I just emerged from my sauna.  I love the low light, the heat, the hiss of water on the stones.  

Without trying, my mind wanders in an inward spiral. It’s not overthinking, which my mind does in other rooms. It’s the opposite of that. It’s stillness that magnifies what is in the depths, rather than the waves of events and errands that conceal things with foam and reflections. 

I retired at the beginning of this month, which is a dream come true. At the same time, it’s an adjustment that takes time. Even new shoes need to be broken in. 

I’ve often felt that there was something wrong with me.  I mean seriously wrong that disables me from doing the things I once did. Things that defined me. The words of a friend came back to me in that calm. She said that there is nothing wrong with me, it’s just that that contract has been fulfilled. 

When I paid off my car, I didn’t continue sending the monthly payments.