hetkiä

So I have often said that being you is all you need to be a true artist. We have all experienced things, seen things, and felt things. Do you have the ability to hold a paintbrush or other tool for applying paint? Can you apply it with your hands or feet? If so, you have the ability to paint. You don’t have to record the image of an object, a landscape, or a recognizable portrait. There is nothing wrong with that, of course, but there is also nothing wrong with recognizing what color or shape represents how you feel. A color or texture might look beautiful to you. It might conjure up a feeling that is not beautiful, but it might be a way of telling your story without words. Or the painting you make may help you find the words to your story. There is no “correct answer” when it comes to expressing yourself.

How many moments have linked together to make us who we are today. Your story is different than mine, but that doesn’t make either of them right or wrong.

And we survived difficult times. We got through things we might have thought were impossible. We also saw beautiful things. We laughed and we cried as we traveled the ups and downs of our lives.

We call some moments good and we call some bad, but they are all a part of us. They make us who we are, and they have brought us to this moment.

Now the timeline of my life brought me to you, and the path of your life has brought you to me.

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One year can make a huge difference in your life. One year ago today I stopped smiling and laughing for a while. I made a mistake small. But mistakes can be put right again. You can learn from them and make your life better than it was before.

Things don’t always turn out the way you thought they would. Some plans look good on paper. I think I focused too much on what I thought I would gain, and not on what I would lose.

THANK GOD I am home now. Sinking my roots deeper and deeper in.

I imagine there are people who don’t know where they belong. They don’t have a permanent home. Not me.

How fortunate am I?

I went for a while this summer without painting. I didn’t plan to take a break, and I didn’t worry much about it, even though people were asking for new work.

I keep thinking that I want to try something new. Art is always new, and at the same time, rarely new. We build on the history of human art that has been produced over tens of thousands of years, and each time, we have the opportunity to bring a little of ourselves into it.

I was inspired this summer, by painters with autism. As I’ve said before, art is a language. A visual language. And then I saw a video about a nonverbal teenager who paints with passion, subtlety and nuance. When it comes to intellectual disabilities, mental challenges, or whatever it is that makes you unique, I like to point out that there is nothing wrong with you. We all have challenges! The important thing is to find the gift in it.

We get a lot of messages telling us what we can’t do. In my case, I believed the teachers who had low expectations of me. Without realizing it, I incorporated their narrow mind, misinformation or laziness into my own self image.

It seems harder to believe in your potential rather than your limitations. But there is little that can compare to the joy of embracing your passion. Your talent. Your abilities.

You do have a purpose. You have a unique voice to express your soul whether that voice is verbal or not. You can do something that no other human being can do. You can see the world from your perspective, and you can express that unique perspective. Some of us do it with paint. Some at a piano keyboard. For others, it is the written word. Maybe you possess the gifts of joy and hope shared through an infectious smile.

Let’s not compare ourselves, but complement each other.

I’ve always been envious of musicians. I love music. I long to be able to make people feel the way I feel when I hear a beautiful song. When listening to music, I often say “if I were a musician, this is what I would like to sound like.” This is one of my limitations. Sometimes I listen to music while I paint, and that informs my painting. The sound coming in my ears intertwines with the images in my head and they travel down my arm together and out my fingertips.

Yesterday I was telling an artist friend about my new canvases, and experimenting with impasto. She talked about building up the surface. This was a revelation for me.

I’ve described my life lately as being “insulated.” There is a peace that naturally comes from sleeping during the day, and barely leaving the house until I leave for work again, after dark.

This weekend, I’ve been far more social… I went out with friends and heard 3 different bands play.

I’d forgotten how wonderful it is to connect with people!

Most people said “welcome back!” Even though I’ve been back for 5 months. Almost no one has seen me, because I’ve pretty much been a hermit. I think that was necessary. But now I need to take care of myself, and part of that is socializing outside of work.

At the most unexpected moments, I saw people who seemed genuinely happy to see me, hugging me and telling me how happy they were that I am here.

There is no place else like Grand Marais. There are other small towns… tiny towns. But they usually are not the county seat. They are not usually nestled between a vast body of water and a vast forest.

My brother says Fayetteville NC is large enough to offer a lot to do and small enough to do it all. I disagree. Grand Marais is the land of opportunity.

Life is still personal here. Sure, you have to think outside of the box. But you know what? There is still a lot of unboxed stuff here.

So I spent my weekend hugging, engaging in sincere conversations, and being inspired.

I told a friend that it feels like summer. Or vacation. All it was was a weekend in a dream town called home.