Bully

Bullying doesn’t only happen to kids. It can happen to anyone. Those of us that grew up with low self esteem can be particularly vulnerable when someone in a position of authority disrespects or disregards us. It can be a boss, a romantic partner or anyone that we allow to have more control over our lives than they should. Bullies are not looking out for your best interests. They may say they care for you. They may even say they love you.

They want you to cower and cave. They want to be right, and point out the many ways that you are wrong. They do not have empathy. They say love when they mean control.

I was bullied as a child. When I was in elementary school and Jr. High, I knew I would be bullied to one degree or another every day that I left the safety of the house and got on the school bus.

One day I was being harassed at my locker by a guy named Joe. He wouldn’t let me unlock my locker, and was about to make me late for class. In desperation, I turned and punched him in the face. I unlocked my locker, got my books and went to class, leaving Joe in the hallway crying, his hands over his face.

The image of shock on his freshly belted face is indelibly etched in my memory. I saw tears run down his cheeks before I walked away, and he did not bother me again.

I’m not condoning violence. I was cornered, and acted in self defense.

That experience gave me a clue that I was more powerful than I thought I was.

Even as an adult, I let people bully me. I once quit a good job because I worked with a condescending tyrant who made my life miserable. By giving in, I was agreeing with them… that they were stronger. Better.

I don’t think it is about strength at all. I think it has more to do with confidence. I’ve seen large dogs intimidated by tiny kittens.

I hope you and I can find the confidence to stand firm and say You don’t have permission to treat (or talk to) me like that.

That is something you can state with kindness and respect. Their tyranny is a dead giveaway that they lack confidence, too.

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